We've all seen those "Pinterest perfect" homes on social media, but the truth is, even professional organizers struggle to keep things tidy. Unless, of course, you've got a housekeeper on the daily.

For the rest of us, it’s time to let go of that pursuit of perfection and the guilt when we fail. It’s unrealistic and doesn’t allow for life to happen with all its joys and its messes. You want to enjoy your life and focus on what’s important.

So let's focus on making your home functional rather than achieving some impossible ideal. There's no moral obligation to keep things tidy, and having a mess certainly doesn't make you a bad person. Ultimately, you and your household get to decide what "functional" means for you.

If you live alone, skip down to the last paragraph.

If you live with others, come to an agreement on who will participate in household tasks and how much. Consider factors like age, developmental level, and any other commitments.

For instance, a live-in grandparent giving you free childcare may do less chores than everyone else, if any, but an adult child living with you rent-free may do extra. And a five-year-old isn’t going to be able to do an equal share. But most 16-year-olds could. Then again, you may have other priorities for their time, like academic clubs and sports, and assign them less.

Getting children involved in chores is crucial for their future success. Check out the Children + Chores Workbook for age-appropriate tasks, the benefits of chores for your kids, and so much more.

Besides the people who live in the home, you may want to consider outsourcing some tasks, such as lawn care or laundry, if you can afford it. You can even outsource your vacuuming to a robot. 😉

This step isn't just for kids - it's for everyone! Some adults were never taught how to do certain household tasks or how to manage their priorities and schedule. That may even be you. That's okay. We all have room to learn and grow. Figure out what you could use some training on, either from a professional, an online class, or YouTube.

If you live alone and will not be outsourcing, skip to the next step.

Not knowing how to do something isn’t an excuse to get out of a chore. If it’s something someone isn’t developmentally ready for or it requires a high level of expertise, then okay. Otherwise, training can be provided, which we’ll cover later.

Not doing a chore well is also not an excuse. If a chore is consistently done half-way or incorrectly, they either need more training or need to be held accountable for meeting the agreed-upon expectations for the task. For kids, they may not be developmentally ready or need the chore broken out into smaller tasks with more supervision.

I know, I know, it’s tempting to finish up their chores so that they are done “right” but this only puts more pressure on you in the long run. It's not fair to you, and for children, it denies them the opportunity to develop essential life skills and lessons.

For more on children, check out the Children + Chores Workbook.

Create a list of your habits and routines (a group of habits you do consecutively) around household tasks. If you live with others, grab them and make it a group activity! Include who does each task, when, and the trigger or rule that gets it started. For each routine, outline all the steps.

For example, my habit is putting dishes in the dishwasher before going to bed. The trigger is getting ready for bed. And my morning routine is a series of steps that help me start the day right: wake up, make the bed, brush teeth, take meds, get dressed, go for a walk, and so on. The trigger for this routine is simply waking up.

Fill out a Motivations + Preferences for Chores Assessment, and if you live with others, have each person fill one out, too. You can make it a family activity with smaller children.

Take a look at your habits and routines and evaluate what’s working and what you struggle with. Identify obstacles, which chores you prefer, and what motivates you. For instance, it could be having someone you’re accountable to, hating it when the home is a mess, not wanting your clutter to bother your housemates, or liking how an organized and tidy home makes you feel.

And if you really want to dive deep, check out Gretchen Rubin’s four tendencies for how we respond to expectations from ourselves and others. You can read her free resources and take the quiz on her website. The resources include strategies you can use to change habits or create new habits that stick.

One way to establish habits, and, if you live with others, expectations of respect for shared spaces, is to create household rules. Household rules are about personal responsibilities for keeping shared spaces clean and tidy because they impact the home and the people who live there, including you. Not only is it important for household harmony, but it also leaves less messes that need to be cleaned up when doing chores.

Check out the House Tidying Rules that Bring the Happy Back Home article and use the provided freebie to create your own personalized set of rules. And don't forget to post them somewhere visible, so they become a part of your daily routine. For younger kids, the rules might need to be more specific and include multiple, if not all, steps of a process. Post them in an area where they'll be doing their tasks.

Create a list of household tasks. For each, estimate how long they take, how often they should be done, and what the expected results are.

Remember, there are no set rules for how often you should do a task, or how it should be done. It's your life, so you get to choose what works best for you! For efficiency, you may want to focus on the tasks that have the most impact for the least amount of time and effort. As Allen F. Morgenstern said, “Work smarter not harder.”

If you live with others, compromise is key (see above Be Realistic step). Focus on what's necessary and be flexible with how tasks get done. And if someone else is doing a chore, let them do it their way as long as they meet the agreed-upon expectations.

It's time to put your personal assessments to work and make some choices for how you’ll maintain a tidy home. If you live with others, you should have a hybrid system that caters to how each person works best and how they are motivated.

• Work together, in pairs, with an accountability partner OR alone

• Assign tasks, ideally what they prefer OR take turns (for fairness, make less boring, or to make sure children learn each skill)

• Do each task incrementally (do the steps of laundry spread out over days or sweep each room) OR all at once

• Do tasks spread out through the week/month OR all together on one day (the ones that don’t need to be done every day or at certain times)

If you prefer to break up tasks into smaller pieces, list them out separately on the list of household tasks so each is assigned and scheduled.

If you live alone and won’t be outsourcing anything, skip this step.

Keeping in mind whether people will be working together and if responsibilities will rotate, assign out all the household tasks on your list that you created above. To make sure everything runs smoothly, keep track of how much time each person’s chores will take to ensure they are distributed fairly.

First, assign tasks that have little or no flexibility for who should be assigned based on timing or ability. Then work your way through the other tasks, starting with those that will be done together and what people prefer or are best suited for.

For children, check out the Children + Chores Workbook for a list of appropriate responsibilities by age group.

The best way to create a system is to group habits into daily or weekly routines that you do the same way every time. Start with tasks with clear timing and those that are done together.

For help getting started, use the Household Chores + Routines Worksheets Bundle. With these easy-to-use worksheets, you'll be able to create routines that fit your lifestyle and make household tasks a breeze.

List out each step of each routine and when the routine will be done. Don't forget to include a step between routines and activities to clean up after yourself and put things away. You can also create a slot in a routine or your calendar for a weekly task or a list of tasks that you rotate through. Any tasks that don’t end up worked into routines or a rotation list should be scheduled in your calendar.

If you live with others, let each person decide how and when to do their task. For children, provide them with acceptable options that they can choose from and give them more flexibility as they age. And for shared resources like the washer and dryer or bathroom, create schedules or sign-up sheets so everyone can have access.

When you finish, if you feel like you or your household are overloaded or someone carries an unfair share, don't be afraid to adjust assignments, how often tasks should be done, and how much you outsource. These routines are here to help you make room for what matters most to you, not create more pressure or work.

For more on children, check out the Children + Chores Workbook.

Make doing your chores easy by removing any physical obstacles that are getting in the way. Use the personal assessments as well as a tour of the home to identify areas that need improvement. Your tools should also be easily accessible, like gathering cleaning supplies into a cleaning caddy. Address accessibility issues for people with mobility issues and small children, such as placing hooks and drawers where they can be reached.

Provide all the tools they will need and make them easily accessible.

Provide specific, step-by-step instructions with clear expectations of what the result should be. To make sure everyone understands, provide written, verbal, and visual instructions for the different types of learning. The younger the person, the more detailed the steps and expectations need to be. For young kids, post instructions where they will be doing them with images for early and non-readers.

First, show them how to do it, do it with them, supervise them doing it, watch them do it independently, and then finally let them do it on their own. For adults, you may be able to skip some of these steps depending on the task. The earlier you are in development for children, the longer you will stay on each of these steps.

For children, teach what the consequences will be, and when appropriate, let consequences happen so they will learn from experience. Always stay calm and matter of fact, with no room for negotiation when you’re enforcing rules.

Don’t expect perfection. Let it be good enough so it can be done and not be such a struggle. Especially with children, the objective is that they’re learning and progressing. Professional organizers like to say, “Perfect is the enemy of done.”*

Once they’ve mastered the task, let them make adjustments to do it their way, as long as they reach the agreed upon result.

For more on teaching children, check out the Children + Chores Workbook.

* a variation of old sayings by Confucius and Voltaire

After doing the routines and schedules for a while, take some time to assess whether they need to be changed or tweaked. If you find any problem areas, you can use strategies that are working for other tasks. If you live with others, use the next step to work together and solve any issues that come up.

If you live alone or don’t outsource, skip this step.

Let’s start with the reminder that when you’re talking through issues it’s important to speak respectfully to one another, and avoid blame and name-calling. If someone has a different level of comfort with mess, don't judge them! Instead, be willing to compromise on how things get done. Stick to phrases about how their actions make you feel or the importance of doing their agreed upon part as a member of the family or household.

Begin with asking what they think the problem is and focus on finding solutions together. For example, if trash day is on a busy day for them, you could trade chores. Or if they don't have an effective calendar or task list system, you could suggest setting a weekly alarm on their phone.

With partners, make sure that you are approaching the process as a team rather than one person telling the other what needs to be done. That can create resentment and lack of ownership, which can lead to rebellion.

For children, don’t nag. And for older children, don’t micromanage. Instead, use consequences and be consistent. For example, if your child is supposed to pick up their toys before dinner, don’t let them come to dinner until they do. If an issue persists, help them experiment with what works and assess whether they are ready developmentally. You may need to break up the steps for them or give them a different assignment.

For more on children, check out the Children + Chores Workbook.

When life becomes overwhelming, whether it’s because you’re up against a big deadline at work or dealing with a family emergency, you’ll need to adjust your routines. Focus on what makes the biggest impact and what’s necessary and let go of the rest. It's okay to let some things slide for a spell.

Try to do the little things as you go, like wiping counters after using them. Those little things add up, so the larger cleaning tasks won’t need to be done as often. Look for ways to make your life a little easier, like using paper plates or having your groceries delivered. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help from your family and support system, and if you can afford it, outsource more tasks.

If the crisis becomes long-term or permanent, such as being diagnosed with a chronic illness or caring for aging parents, you’ll need to make more permanent adjustments to your system. Work through the above steps again for your new circumstances. For more resources on managing your household when life gets overwhelming, check out Struggle Care with KC Davis, LPC.

As life changes for you or your family, you’ll need to adjust your routines and schedules. When you face a life transition, go through these steps again to make changes to best suit your new circumstances and priorities. And don’t forget to give yourself a little grace as you work to course correct with new habits and routines.