Grief + Letting Go of Their Treasures
On January 30, what was her sister’s (my mom) and granddaughter’s birthday, my Aunt Linda passed on. I got an early morning call from my dad with the news. After hanging up, I started to ball. A flood of emotions hit me, including the guilt of putting off calling her. I just wanted to talk to my auntie. I still do.
I can only imagine what my cousins are going through. Yet amid their grief, they need to figure out what to do with her belongings. They seem to be taking a good approach, letting loved ones take treasures that have meaning to them and remind them of how special my aunt was. But what to do with the rest? And what if more than one person wants something?
I thought this a good moment to share with my cousins, and with you, some of the tips I have in my Cathartic Clear-out™ Decluttering Workbook for letting go of a loved one’s things. I hope my expertise in this one area will be helpful to them in this time of grief.
7 Tips for Letting Go of Belongings Amid Grief
Getting rid of things after the loss of a loved one can be difficult, especially if it’s tied to the family home that you have a lot of memories in. You have grief to deal with and letting go of belongings too soon without facing your grief first could lead to regret. On the other hand, you don’t want to put off decisions for too long that you stay stuck in the past and paying large mortgage or rent payments. And circumstances may be that you may need to get things done quickly even if you don’t want to. Here are 7 tips to help you make decisions.
Don’t be afraid to get help. Whether it’s a professional organizer like me, a grief counselor, or a junk hauler. And enlist family and friends. Don’t go it alone if you don’t have to.
With emotions frayed already, deciding who gets what can be fraught with landmines. Consider using a service like FairSplit to avoid family feuds and hurt feelings.
Keeping something that you don’t want is not honoring your loved one. Putting it in a closet to gather dust is not honoring that item or the memory. Better to find someone who will love it and use it in the way it deserves. If you can’t find someone, a professional organizer can help you with ideas for organizations and services that might appreciate it. And if in the end you can’t find a good home, your loved one wouldn’t want you to be strapped with something you don’t want. So let it go knowing you did all you could to find a good home.
You are not obligated to keep anything, unless required by law, such as certain paperwork and fulfilling the deceased loved one’s will. Even if your loved one left something to you specifically. (Note: I am not an attorney or an accountant. Check with your lawyer, accountant, etc. for what you need to keep.)
For keepsakes, is it a memory that you share? If you are worried about getting rid of something that may hold some family history, ask yourself if you know what it is and why it’s important. If it’s a photo, do you know the people in the photo and what’s going on? If not, and you can’t find anyone who does, let it go. It’s not family history if no one knows what it is.
Don’t think that because you don’t have anything of huge value like expensive art and fancy cars that you can’t use an auction. There are different levels of auctions, including MaxSold, which allows you to auction off most categories of things in the home, including cleaning supplies. There are also companies that specialize in estate clear outs that can help you sell what can be sold and remove everything else.
If someone in the family is insisting that something should be kept even if no one wants it, make a rule that whoever is insisting it be kept is responsible for transporting and keeping it.
Bonus Tip
If circumstances allow for it, don’t let anyone pressure you to let go of something before you are ready. It’s all part of the grieving process, something that cannot be rushed. But do get help if you are struggling (see #1 above).
Here’s to the memories. Miss you bunches, Aunt Linda.
